19 Jun 2011
Written by MyCrazyBipolarLife
This post is a continuation from last week’s featured post: My 16 Year Battle with Self Harm Part I.
Skip forward and there I was aged 21 with no friends of my own, a job I hated, very rare visits to my family and suddenly I just felt completely lost. I didn’t turn up for work one day and instead I searched round various pharmacies until I could find what they call ‘cut throat razor blades’. I returned home to our flat and took my clothes off then went and sat in the bath (with no water in it) whilst my fingers fondled these new blades.
My cutting up until the age of 21 had been mostly done in anger, I would cut harshly and not look as I dragged the blades over my skin, not caring about ripping myself open. But this time I was very calm and concentrated fully on what I was about to do. It was not by any means a suicide attempt, it was a way of grounding myself and bringing myself back into the moment. I wasn’t particularly happy with life but at the same time I did love the man I was with very much.