Mental illness, marriage, dependency and divorce

19 May 2013 4 Comments
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by Superheroin anxiety & fear, depression, wife

Written by: Dave

“Well, I’ve been afraid of changing – ‘Cause I’ve built my life around you” ~ Landslide – Stevie Nicks

Even before the collapse of my marriage, this line carried some weight for me. In the past several months it has become both a trigger and a resounding call to truth.
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Confusion in the 4th dimension: my schizophrenia story

20 Jan 2013 2 Comments
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by Jaredin anxiety & fear, depersonalization, depression, derealization, psychosis, schizophrenia

Schiz Life

Written by: Jared

I’m so appreciative of MHT, because it gives us all a platform to openly share our experiences without fear of shame or judgment. I want to share my own experiences with schizophrenia so that others who may be experiencing the same thing can read it and find comfort knowing they are not alone, and possibly hope and faith in knowing that things will get better!

I’m going to fast-forward through much of the beginning of my life. We know schizophrenia has genetic and environmental factors. It goes to say that while neither of my parents is schizophrenic, one is very obsessive in the sense that she’s just over the threshold of being a hoarder. She is a very kind and compassionate woman. My father, however, did contribute genetic and environmental problems. He is very anxious, very impulsive, and very compulsive. He tends to be domineering and oppressive, frightening everyone into agreeing with him or at least cowering beneath him. This, in addition to some episodes of sexual abuse, laid a horrible foundation for a youngster. I learned how to communicate all of my emotions through one: anger. I also learned how to think like my father, which meant “black and white” authoritative thinking.
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A time of peace and joy, as long as you leave me the hell alone!

30 Dec 2012 6 Comments
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by David Templinin anxiety & fear, depression, the holidays

superheroes

In the first week of November, I walked into a drug store and was horrified to hear Christmas music piped in from all sides. A stranger in front of me stopped in his tracks and voiced out loud, “Oh for C***t’s sake! Give it a rest! There should be a law against playing Christmas music before December!” I chuckled, louder than I intended. The man turned and looked at me. Then we both laughed. For a moment, my horror and his anger went away. The laughter shifted my perspective and briefly connected me to another person. It wasn’t the Christmas spirit I was feeling mind you, it was way too early for that!
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On laying ghosts and raising dandelions

25 Nov 2012 0 Comments
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by Superheroin anxiety & fear, CBT, depression, eating disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder

Written by: Suzie Grogan

I was always an anxious child. I had a loving family – mum, dad and two siblings, a sister and a brother both younger than me; but my mum was dad’s second wife – he was a widower following the death of his first wife and unborn second child. They had lost their first to a fatal asthma attack. He was a quiet man, who didn’t show his emotions readily but when he nearly lost my mum whilst she was expecting me he must have thought his life was on rewind. He had a tendency to assume the worst would always happen and when he developed early onset Parkinson’s in his 40s shortly after my younger brother was born, our lives were then never far from illness or worry. I became desperate to ensure my mum was happy, entertaining my siblings and worrying myself to death if she was late to meet me from school or to come back from the shops. I look back now and believe that my dad, subconsciously and quite openly as he became more seriously ill, passed on responsibility for my mum’s safety to me and I took it, willingly.
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Walkin’ the talk: a video blog by Allison on her experience with anxiety

23 Sep 2012 3 Comments
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by Superheroin anxiety & fear

“I’ve finally come to realize I’m not by myself.” ~ Allison [Tweet this quote!]

Rebelling against my rebellious nature

29 Jul 2012 2 Comments
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by David Templinin anxiety & fear, lifestyle, working

superheroes

I like to think of myself as a rebel.

The image of a rebel is a very positive one for me. It represents courage, spontaneity, idealism, creativity and freedom. Those are all qualities I would like to incorporate into my life. Yet, as I mature in my middle age, I realize all good things are better in moderation.

I know, that doesn’t sound very rebellious! Let me try to explain where I am coming from.

For several years I was suffering from work related anxiety. I was finding my job boring and stressful at the same time. All things work related were becoming a source of anxiety for me.

Here is a list of some of the work related things that caused me anxiety:

Deadlines. I often felt deadlines were arbitrarily set before assessing how much work was involved. Deadlines started to represent failure. This was a constant source of anxiety for me.
Blackberry devices. Poor RIM, they have enough troubles without me piling more on. For me however, the Blackberry represented a very unwelcome intrusion on my personal life. 24 hour accessibility was an implied expectation of the job.
Schedules of all kinds. I found that my schedule was continuously being filled with status meetings to discuss why we were not on schedule. My suggestion of “maybe there are too many meetings” was always dismissed as an inappropriate answer.
Administrative routine. I found myself overwhelmed with the amount of administrative reporting I was required to complete. It was dull, repetitive and it kept me from the more satisfying aspects of my job.

So, about 2 years ago I took the courageous step of taking early retirement.

It is a decision I do not regret.

I have been living a life where there are no deadlines. My Blackberry device is turned off most of the time. I have been able to live without a daily schedule. I have pretty much avoided anything that seems like routine to me.

It sounds like heaven doesn’t it? Well, almost. There are one or two things I miss.

As much as my job became an almost continuous source of anxiety for me, on occasion it did provide me with a sense of accomplishment.

I knew early on in my retirement I would need to find things to do to give me a sense of accomplishment. I have taken up a few projects with friends that have helped fill that gap without most of the frustrations and anxiety that was inherent in my job. So far, that has worked well for me.

What is new, which I find a bit surprising, I am longing for some structure.

Right now, I get up when I want, go to bed when I want and if I don’t feel like doing anything, I don’t.

I am starting to find that isn’t as rewarding as it used to be.

Out of habit, I still have my alarm go off at 7:30 in the morning. Every morning I turn off the alarm and go back to sleep. It used to be a great indulgence to the rebel within me to realize, “Ha! I don’t have to get up this early, I’m going to roll over and go back to sleep.”

It has lost some of its oomph.
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