Medicating my life

17 Mar 2013 0 Comments
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by Superheroin bipolar, lifestyle, medication, suicide

 

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Written by Samantha Seto

I was a young lady who muddled her way in this world. Lost in bizarre depression and mood disorder. With a heavy load on my shoulder, I was uncertain about the direction of my future. I had thoughts of suicide from a very young age and much of my time was spent either contemplating suicide, or experimenting with it.

Plummeting into darkness on occasion made myself a burden. When insomnia attacks, I get frustrated and the anxiety builds up. That deep gut feeling where everything is my fault. It’s 3 A.M. and I think about all the times people have promised me that things will get better. But they don’t.

I’m in the office with the psychiatrist and he diagnoses me with the “bad medicine.” He tells me it works for manic-depressive symptoms in children. It was the dark purple kind. In other words – bipolar. But my mood disorder is not that heavily diagnosed yet.

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Coming through the other side of depression

10 Mar 2013 4 Comments
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by Superheroin depression, self harm, suicide

 

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superheroes

I know what it is like to feel heartache, to feel alone, and to wonder why God has given you life. Wanting to curse God that He made a mistake giving you life where there are people around dying and want to live. I know what it is like to wake up in the morning with no physical or mental energy and wondering how you are going to get through the day. To feel sadness that lasts for days, weeks, and sometimes months without end. I understand the feeling of discontent, no matter how hard you try to change your mood- there still is that underlying feeling of numb and that something is missing. To feel ambivalent about everything, I get it. I totally get that sometimes self injury makes a person feel something compared to feeling nothing. Yes, I understand why people feel they have to punish themselves with this method- because you feel you are not good enough and never will be. I know what it is like to be tormented by voices that are not there- telling you to do things you do not want to do… hurt yourself or perhaps others. I also get that sometimes it’s hard to communicate with the outside world for days or weeks at a time because you are scared to go out or talk to people for one reason or another. I also empathize with you that it seems no one has stood by you in this time and you feel something must be wrong with you. I get that you may feel as if you are going crazy and you feel alone in this process. That dying seems better then living and suicide seems like an option more so now than ever before. How could I sincerely understand you ask? It’s because I too have been there where you have been or might have been… rock bottom. I have lived in the shadows of this world for a long time- more in than out of them it seems.
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You are not alone: an interview about renewed connection

21 Oct 2012 8 Comments
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by Superheroin addiction, lifestyle, mother, PTSD, suicide

 

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The interviewee wished to remain anonymous.

Interview/written by: Trish

I have a feeling this woman “belongs” everywhere she goes.  I see people around us wanting to know her, talk to her, be around her.

But as we exchange emails over a span of a couple of months and I listen to her story, I can tell it hasn’t always been that way.
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Wisdom: a video interview with Denny

25 Aug 2012 6 Comments
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by Superheroin depression, lifestyle, schizoaffective, suicide

 

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…just because you have mental health issues doesn’t mean you are any less of a person or can’t do things like anyone else. ~ Denny
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Finding myself… overcoming borderline personality disorder

15 Jul 2012 20 Comments
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by Superheroin borderline personality disorder, suicide

 

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superheroes

Written by: Chantal C.

I have been living with mental illness since I can remember. My earliest recollections are during late childhood years. My clinical depression manifested itself during my adolescence. But now I struggle to understand the depth of my own Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).  Last year I tried to take my life and was diagnosed with traits of BPD. Even though I suspected this for many years, the diagnosis is my wake-up call. I now ask myself…Who am I really and why did I live a life of abuse and self-inflicted pain? [Tweet this quote!]
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An odyssey of life: a video interview with Deborah L. Parker

01 Jul 2012 4 Comments
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by Superheroin depression, lifestyle, suicide

 

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Never count yourself out because other people will. ~ Deborah [Tweet this quote!]
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I was broken but now I am whole

06 May 2012 9 Comments
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by Superheroin addiction, anxiety & fear, CBT, depression, suicide

 

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Written by: Earla Dunbar

I did not like people before, they terrified me.  All I wanted to do was hide from people, from life.  In my thoughts I knew they were judging me negatively and watching my every move.  So why would I leave my safe place, my home, when I knew I could be hurt by people.

When I was 44 and knew that suicide was my only hope from the dread I was living, my doctor suggested I go to the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, CAMH, where I met my psychiatrist, Dr. Martin Katzman.
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