an MMM cartoon…: How to gain mental clarity when being chased by a tiger
22 Jul 2012
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Imagine…
You are walking along in the wild jungle and what steps into your path?
A tiger looking like you just stole her young.
Your nervous system goes into high alert and you have two choices: fight or flight.
I’m not talking about the type of fighting where you recall every lethal move Bruce Lee performed and get into position. Or the type of flight whereby you remember the running strategy designed to keep a marathoner steady as she paces her distance in the 100 degree heat and use that to your advantage.
No, no. Even if you could think of wanting to think of these tactics, your brain would come back again with fight (the kicking, screaming, biting, hair-pulling kind) or flight (run like hell).
Then imagine your are running like hell with your body and brain completely focused on survival, the mama tiger on your heels, and your boss jumps out from behind the tall twisted grass to ask you about the numbers for the weekly status meeting.
Then your babysitter is running beside you (where did she come from?) asking what she’s supposed to feed little Johnny when all you have in the house is dog food.
Back to the real world… how come it feels the same?
Experiencing post-trauma stress, I sometimes wish the person asking me the question could see that imaginary tiger chasing me. It would make it a lot easier to explain why I have a strained look on my face, trying desperately to process information and come up with an answer.
So how do I achieve mental clarity when I am in a state of high alert such that I can assuredly answer questions?
I can’t. Our bodies and brains aren’t built that way.
Now before you throw up your hands and say “I thought this post was titled How to Gain Mental Clarity…”, give me a second:
- If I feel the slightest agitation when being asked something (you know what I am talking about if you get highly anxious or stressed a lot), my default answer is “Let me get back to you on that.” The agitation is a warning sign I am not able to provide an answer with confidence.
- I write the question down (always handy to carry a notebook with you).
- I then come back to the question when my nervous system is no longer on high alert. In my case, this is after a short period of relaxation, deep breathing, EFT, or hiding in the bathroom.
- I follow up with the questioner.
Yes, the questioner had to wait. But which would you prefer: stumbling through a half-ass answer you later find yourself reneging on OR delivering a complete, authentic answer you feel comfortable with?
What do you think?
I would love to hear about your experiences in the comments below: how do you handle communication with others when your mind is fuzzy from stress hormones overload?
Note: the idea for this post was inspired by a teleseminar by Nick Ornter of http://thetappingsolution.com/
This is the last cartoon in the 4-part MMM… Cartoon Series. That’s all folks!
Rachel Miller
Jul 23, 2012 @ 05:10:59
Great cartoon Trish!
This state of overstimulation is something I really try to manage as if I let it build up too much, that is when I’m in danger of triggering a Bipolar episode.
When I do feel like this I tend to retreat from the world for a while. I think that’s the only way I know how to deal with it. I think friends can find this really hard to accept and I have found that friendships have suffered for it, but I’m doing the best I can to keep myself well.
If I’m in a position where I can’t retreat, I’m not usually very sensible and will say yes to too many requests until I can’t handle everything!! Really need to say “I’ll get back to you” like you do- thanks for that!
Trish
Jul 23, 2012 @ 08:14:46
Thank you for sharing your experience Rachel. I’m all for taking care of you first–kudos on that! And thank you so much for your feedback on my cartoon. Love, Trish xo
Julie
Jul 24, 2012 @ 07:47:36
Discovered you (happily!) through Rachel Miller’s blog. I adore the cartoon. The first time my innards have been put in cartoon form. I’ve always felt that I was alone, and thus crazy and unfit for “human consumption”. I love it when people are able to say, “Let me get back with you,” although I don’t like it when they say it to me because it doesn’t gel with my impulsive need to fix things right away and have them all settled and orderly. I would like to be more like you described. I have learned to delay responses longer, but not quite long enough. There is a desperate need inside of me when anxiety is high (it doesn’t take much) to come up with a definitive answer in order to calm my anxiety and feel I can move onto the next thing. Thank you for this wonderful post!
Trish
Jul 24, 2012 @ 12:03:57
So wonderful to meet you Julie and to have you here. I will have to tell Rachel “thank you” for connecting us.
I really appreciate your feedback. It is really, really hard to not want to fix things right away and give an answer–I’m the same way when I’m anxious. I’m afraid the person will get angry and *gasp* become confrontation (two big fears of mine). But I think it takes practice, and I’m starting with people who I know will be more understanding… to build up my confidence. I’m practising right along with you.
Love,
Trish
Julie
Jul 24, 2012 @ 12:52:55
Trish, So excited about being connected to what you are doing. After I responded to your post, I went to the market and actually restrained myself from going hog-wild on buying videos. Was actually, to my surprise, able to not go hog wild. Buying only three videos (they’re cheap here) instead of five kind of goes along with your picking out people who will be easier to be honest with. As skills and courage build, we’re able to take on bigger challenges. …On the note of honesty (which is what you are seriously and effectively practicing), I am finding that the more I confront honestly, the more I realize what my truth actually is and the more I absolutely have to be direct and tell the truth. It’s kinda like punching (verbally or by email or FB message or texting) the other person and then wondering if I’ll get punched back, although when I communicate I am careful to be respectful. But I’m not getting punched back and instead am gaining respect and friends, including respect for myself and a greater love towards myself. SO WEIRD and so exciting at the same time. Thank you for your kind and loving reception. Am really glad to join Rachel in your neighborhood. You are both treasure finds.
Trish
Jul 25, 2012 @ 08:10:57
Thank you for sharing your insights Julie. I am really happy for you that being true to yourself and your needs through honesty has been very rewarding. Kudos for your courage. Rachel is certainly a treasure find–I am a big fan of her blog. I can’t wait to publish her guest post in September.
Take care Julie and keep in touch.
Love,
Trish
Joanna
Aug 14, 2012 @ 12:45:26
During my last encounter with my ex boyfriend he said ” I waited a month, a year .. for your answer and it never came..” I just recently had the guts to suspect that I am suffering from ptsd , that I need help from someone who specializes in this area and not just general psychologist . For the whole time I have been blaming myself for the mental fog, inability to answer simple questions. As I begun to explore the effects of ptsd on the brain and the whole body some of the blame disapeared.
I am currently in therapy, just started discovering why I react as I do, as well as, the fact that I can be helped! I hope to get back here in a while with the answer to the question posted above.
Trish
Aug 14, 2012 @ 12:51:37
Joanna–thank you for sharing your experience. I too experience (C-)PTSD and know how important it is to work with someone who specializes in helping people with the disorder (or better yet, work with someone who has experienced PTSD!) I wish you much healing on your journey of recovery and look forward to your return to these comments.
Much love,
Trish