I swam in the sea of worries, fear, and pain. But now, in front of a mirror, I can see myself recovering from painful feelings.
A few months ago, I was a happy girl studying at one of the most famous universities in my country. I had an excellent academic record and enough time to hang out with friends.
When I began spending nights beside my darling, this obsessive happiness came into my life. I hardly did anything else but waste time and money on chatting night after night, movies, popcorn, and other unnecessary stuff despite piles of homework.
Then, on a Spring day, my darling was gone, in every way a person could leave me.
It started when on a date; I had to wait for nearly seven hours before receiving a response that he couldn’t make it and his reply was without remorse.
Then when I experienced shortness of breath due to intense training, I asked him to be there for me but he didn’t show up until I was allowed to come home.
My darling gradually disappeared from my life, making it too hard for me to keep pace with his actions, thoughts, and conspiracies. When I realized we had broken up, I couldn’t accept it. Therefore, I found every way to try and save our love, but it all turned out to be useless when my darling became so different.
After several weeks, he was in a relationship with another woman. My darling had continued to fall in love with one of my best friends at college who I used to confide in about our relationship. “Tell me everything, my dear friend, and I want to help both of you come back to love,” she would say.
At the moment when I really could not deny they were in love, it was so painful it felt like death. Can you imagine what I felt when hearing that the person I love and my best friend had both lied to me and were having a “dirty” relationship? Trust me; you did not want to be in my shoes. Sometimes, late at night when my sleep was interrupted, I would burst into tears and wish that I could disappear. Not be here. Not in this city.
My best friend said we had broken up and she had not stolen anything from me. I have never understood that, and of course, I did not have the desire to comprehend it. I did not care how strong her love was. What I cared about were her words and actions. At present, she is deleted from my friend list, and in every other way a person can be forgotten.
Another friend has told me that “when something is gone, so is everything, and the opposite is also true”. I suddenly realized that I have many valuable things in my life. Love came into my life and brought me a lot of good friends. I know who supports me when other people may find it hard to comprehend and accept my truth. I also know who is not sincere, and I remove these “dirty” people from my lists. Do not rush to overcome depression quickly. Be gentle with yourself and listen deeply, deeply to what is going on with you. Everything will be okay.
Everything has changed naturally over time, and my point of view is not the exception. After this relationship failure, love changed into something else in my mind, something that is not easy to gain. Admittedly, I still desire to have a boyfriend which is nothing but a gift making my life more beautiful. I am always in search of it, and never give up. However, now, I focus my energy on what I really want to do first (for instance, research and study), and love becomes secondary.
Image credit: Sophia Louise
Lily is an experienced writer sharing tips to get over difficult time in life by addressing depression and stress naturally. Now she is working for Authority Remedies and is a yoga instructor as well.