The tiny spot; prose about OCD

Monitor

Written by: Daniel L.

There is a tiny spot on my monitor. It’s bothering me. I really want to clean it.

I’m not going to clean it. I’m going to ignore the spot.

I will not give in to my compulsion. I will not give in to my compulsion. I will not give in to my compulsion.

I’m in control. I’m going to focus on my work and ignore the spot.

Ignore the spot. Ignore the spot. Ignore the spot.

It’s difficult to focus on my work when I can’t stop thinking about ignoring the spot.

If I just clean the spot, I can stop thinking about ignoring the spot, and focus on my work.

There. All better.

Oh look … a fingerprint.

This is my OCD.

 

Image credit: happy via

 


DanielDaniel
lives in Portland, and is the administrator/voice of OCD Andy, a page which casts a satirical light on his life with OCD and social anxiety. His favorite word is ‘Nope’.  You can find Daniel as OCD Andy on his Facebook page at facebook.com/OCDAndy and on Twitter.

You may view all of Daniel’s MHT guest posts by clicking here.


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Comments

  • Bob Brotchie

    I love you’re work, Daniel! I have started following your tweets; they ARE uplifting. I think my readers will appreciate them as much as I do.

    OCD really is so close to so many of us, isn’t it?

    It’s also a frightening subject. Wondering if ‘wondering’ will cause us to become disordered.

    I wonder just how many of the things individuals with OCD rest attention on are the same otherwise as for many of us – and it’s that wondering about the wondering that creates an importance and urgency?

    As an individual living with this, Daniel, would you say “OCD is OCD”, or do you think there are clear distinctions between one person and their challenges, and another?

    You are deserving of high praise and recognition for your stance with OCD. I hope it will continue to inspire.

    • Daniel

      Thank you for your kind words, Bob. I really appreciate them. This was written with an incredible sense of urgency, and I didn’t edit it very much at all. It was my hope that the urgency/anxiety of a trigger would be conveyed.

      Regarding “OCD is OCD” I would say that everyone lives with it differently. The trigger/compulsion mechanism is a constant, but the triggers themselves are varied, as are the compulsions. Many live with struggles far worse than mine. Some choose medication, others choose meditation. There is no right or wrong, I think, just what works or doesn’t work for each individual. The only way to discover what does or doesn’t work, is through trial and error, and practice. I’ve always returned to humor, and have found it’s my best way to live with my struggle.

      I’ve lived with OCD for over 20 years and have just accepted it as part of me. I could medicate it into oblivion, but that’s not what I’ve chosen to do. I’ve chosen, for myself, to let it be what it is, and deal with it on my own terms. This isn’t for everyone, I understand, and as I said many have it far worse than I do. What’s right for my life isn’t necessarily right for theirs.

      I have good days and bad, like everyone. I treasure the good days. I am aware of my bad days, and have learned to find something to focus my attentions on, so my triggers don’t set me off quite as much. I work with what I’ve been given, and strive every day to do my best. That’s all one can do, I think. I laugh as much as I can. I’ve been called a Pollyanna in the past because I am always finding the positive in every situation I’m faced with. It’s not always easy to find, but it’s always there. You just have to know how to look for it, and learning to look for the positive is a daily practice.

  • Bob Brotchie

    Thank you once again, Daniel. I so hope current sufferers get to notice your wonderful words. You have stated just what I might try and encourage in others – and much more.
    Although your way may be less suitable or available to some, I believe you are a model expert on your condition, and how you choose to ‘ accept’, rather than resist or push back. Beautifully stated by you. I wish you every available peace and success.
    As an aside, you probably get lots of requests to guest blog, and if you would ever wish to provide an enlarged version of what you have provided in your reply to me here, for my website and readers, simply let me know.
    Trish – you have unearthed another diamond!

    • Trish

      I do my best Bob 😉

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